20 Jokes That Only Cabin Crew Would Understand

Let’s face it: Nothing beats a little practical joke in the workplace to brighten up the day!
It just so happens if your workplace is at 35,000 feet, and while safety is the flight attendant’s No.1 concern, cabin crew need an occasional release.
Sometimes they have the right crew and circumstances to let loose.

Here is a selection of the best jokes that it is very possible that only Cabin Crew would understand.

1. What’s the difference between a Flight Attendant and a Mercedes?…..Not everyone has been on a Mercedes.

2. What’s the difference between a senior flight attendant and a police car?…..You need two police cars to block and intersection.

3. How does a flight attendant tell a passenger to go to hell?…..I’ll be right back!

4. What do you call a bunch of Flight Attendants in a basement?…..A Whine Cellar!

5. It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.”What are my choices?” he asked.”Yes or No,” she replied.

6. How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?
Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.

7. How do you know the guy next to you is a pilot?
He wakes you up and tells you.

Q: How do you stop a Flight Attendant from having an orgasm?
A: Press the F/A Call Button – that way she will never come.

9. What’s the difference between a teacher, a nurse, and a flight attendant in bed?
The teacher will tell you, “I’m gonna teach you how to do it and then we’ll going to go over and over it untill we get it right.”
The nurse will say, “I’m gonna do it slowly and I promise it’s not going to hurt.”
And the flight attendant will tell you. “Put it over your nose and mouth and continue to breath normally.”

10. What do Flight Attendants and Monica Lewinsky have in common?…..They all have a blue dress with stains on it.

11. A Blond Flight Attendant was on the highway going to the airport and saw a sign that said Airport Left…..she turned around and went home.

12. How do you recognize a Flight Attendant at a party?…..They are the only ones eating standing up and cleaning their hands with the curtains.

13. What do you call a pregnant Flight Attendant?……Pilot Error.

14. How many flight attendants does it take to change a light bulb?…..A hundred. One to actually change it and 99 to bitch about it.

15. After a passenger continuously pressed the Flight Attendant Call Button, demanding attention and complaining about the service, the Flight Attendant says: “We are here to SAVE your ass, not to KISS it.”….

16. An airhead Flight Attendant, a smart Flight Attendant and Santa Claus jumped off the airplane after they lost both engines. Who made the largest splash?…..The airhead Flight Attendant. The others don’t exist!

17. What separates Flight Attendants from the scum of the world?…..The Cockpit door.

18. Why was the blonde FA late for the hotel van?
One door was the closet, one was the bathroom and the other said “Do not disturb.”

19. Stupid Question or Stupid Answer?
Lady: Is this my plane ?
Flight Attendant : No, it belongs to the Airline.
Lady : Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this plane to Los Angeles.
Flight Attendant: No Madam, I’m afraid its too heavy.

20. How do you make a hostie’s eyes sparkle? Shine a torch in her ear.